How to say goodbye
Learning to say hello + current faves
Last week on LinkedIn, I shared a post on how I've evolved in my career and transitioned into new industries and roles.
It resonated with a lot of people who have the desire to change their careers and forge a new path.
While the idea of a new job is exciting and the feeling of a fresh start is second to none, it can also mean saying goodbye to the version of you who liked working remotely in her t-shirt—to the girl who has to dress up in heels and blazers for her new 9–5.
Goodbyes will cost you something. The truth is, you have to say a lot of goodbyes before you can say hello to a new version of you. This is something I have experience with as a millennial woman who has changed jobs, ranging from writing to Comms. I've been thinking about how this mirrors life.
I have said goodbyes to jobs that were a security blanket, friendships I thought were forever, and closed doors on things I prayed and worked for—including businesses, dreams and relationships.
JustJessica bi-weekly newsletters are for my uncurated thoughts. For updates on the blog, podcast, work, or content at Her Green Room, please look out for newsletters tagged #HerGreenNotes.
For People Saying Goodbyes and Ending Seasons
Whether you're moving countries or ending your 5-year relationship, here are my top tips for saying goodbye:
Be Kind to Yourself
We often beat ourselves up when things don't work out as planned. Maybe I should have tried harder to get them to stay? I didn't pray enough. I'm a failure.
Remember to be kind to yourself. Yes, you probably shouldn’t have started that relationship, but you were a teenager craving love. It could even be making a decision to close your business—like me—because life happened and we had to shut down our thrift store.
Maybe you messed up on your applications, but it's okay. Thank you, God. As Lisa Bevere would say, “You can't mess up your life. You, my friend, are not that powerful.”
This is not an excuse to be complacent with your life, but an opportunity to hug yourself and say: “It's okay that I’ve made mistakes, but it doesn't stop me from God's best. I'm going to do better next time because I deserve the best in life.”
Tell a Different Story
When something ends, it can feel like loss or failure, but you have to decide how you write that chapter of your story.
For example, I got fired from a job, and for a while I felt embarrassed to tell people (even though I got rehired and made the decision not to return to a company that didn't value or respect me). It still felt like failure.
I don't believe in regrets—I see ALL things in life as lessons learned and memories made. These days, I don’t tell that story only from the point of failure, but instead how it changed the trajectory of my life, as I began to write and create in depression—leading to the birth of HER Green Room.
You are not a failure because you couldn't get your visa extended and had to return home. Or because the person you thought you were building forever with decided not to make a home with you.
Stay thankful for the time you got to experience a different culture, for what your ex taught you—good or bad—you’d love to teach your future daughter. And hug yourself because you're a woman who has her best days ahead of her.
The Best Is Yet to Come
It can be hard to say goodbye to a friend you've known all your life, or close the door on your dream to be a doctor after 7 years to pursue a career in filmmaking. Or end a 9-year relationship.
But what I've learned is that you are yet to experience the best of God.
I hope you find the courage to let go and believe that the best is yet to come. Sometimes that means letting go of disappointment at perceived unfulfilled promises of God, anger at the people who left without goodbye, and extending forgiveness to yourself—that you're still failing at 35—and believe God for better.
What are you saying goodbye to?
For me, it's the idea that I have to tell stories in a particular way.
I have wrestled with creating content in foreign territories. I've had to say goodbye to the part of me that proudly said “I don't write fiction” and discover the beauty of telling stories that give me opportunities to create a world where anything is possible.
I've been saying goodbye to the version of me that is people-pleasing, with a desire to be liked. I want to be loved in my authenticity.
I'm also saying goodbye to telling my story in one location (this makes me feel scared), but I am strong and courageous because Abba is with me.
What are you saying or have said goodbye to recently? What are you saying hello to? Send me a message in the comments or email (I love hearing your stories!)
Always evolving,
Jessica
#JustJessica
A bi-weekly column by Jessica Ireju on HER Green Room, sharing her non-AI-generated thoughts, uncurated feelings & unfiltered stories as a millennial woman navigating life, love, and faith.
Current Favourites
Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with any of the products, brands, or services I link. I’m just sharing my current state and favourite things—whether that’s a movie or a course I think will be beneficial. So, let’s go!
Currently Inspired by: Tunde Onakoya and the amazing work he's doing with Chess in Slums Alma Asinobi’s Guinness World Record Ibukunolwa Ajayi, a sickle cell warrior’s story on The Cable
Kanyeyachukwu Tagbo Okeke’s art canvas that broke the Guinness World Record. Talk about living a limitless life, I'm here for it!
Currently Writing: My first fiction! I've also been writing essays on my twenties
thanks to a 30-day one-hour writing challenge by TAANI facilitated by Mofiyinfoluwa O.
Currently Reading: This piece on The Republic that is a homage to my culture as a proud Rivers babe! And this blog post on 10 Ways to Say No Without Feeling Guilty by Adejumoke Adefila—a must-read for any recovering people pleaser.
Current Latest Published Piece: This article on the creator economy written by me for SusInsight.
Currently Listening To: Book of Love by Peter Gabriel — (If you haven't seen “Shall We Dance?” movie, you need to!) Let Praises Rise by ORU Worship Center — (Took me back to Jessica in 2019 when Jesus was all I had. He’s still enough.) As by Stevie Wonder — (Reminds me of my dad. Any other Daddy’s girls here?) Tamuno Bo by James Numbere and Sensational Bamidele — (One of my favourite Ijaw Praise songs)
Current Sweet Spot: This lovely note Chidinma tagged me in on LinkedIn
Plus I was on Aunty Duties today again as my friend dedicated her child to God
Currently Learning: Screenwriting, so I learned a lot listening to this conversation on Youtube between Nengi Diri and Joy Ogide on how to become a screenwriter
Current Newsletters Subscribed To: Newsletters by Bella Oluoha, Nengi Diri, Dodo & Oluwaferanmi Mercy
Current Social Media Post I Loved: This post on how a woman's cycle affects how she creates—very informative, especially for content creators by Yvonne Alozie
Currently Watching: Mr Manhattan — Yes, I love cheesy movies 😁 (I was extra hyped when I dscovered the leads—Alexa and Carlos Penavega—are a real-life couple!)
Currently Anticipating: Watching Laju Iren’s Silver After Movie (Subscribe to her YouTube channel and share aggressively. Support Christian creators with your full chest!)
Current Opportunity: Writers, apply to the SPRINNG Writing Fellowship if you meet the requirements kindly apply here
Currently Received: My second rejection of the year from a storytelling fellowship
Currently Proud: My dear friend and amazing storyteller Chidinma's story was published on Stories Are Podcast. You can Listen on Spotify or YouTube and please share!
Okay my lovelies, that’s it from me this week on #JustJessica. How’s life on your end? Please feel free to leave a comment or reply to this email, I always love to hear from readers ❤️
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